Steve Rogers' story: How I met your mother
by HenryVIII
Summary: I felt bored, so here's a crossover: Peace and quiet starts to bore the in New York remaining Avengers, so they try to built up new lives. This is a story about Steve Rogers telling his children, how he has met their mother...
1. Introduction

_Well, kids...Where can I start the story? As you know, when I was at your age, the world was really different from today. Seeing all this destruction in war and in the Avengers' fight for the world, I've got sick of it. So after peace has come, I decided to become an architect. I wanted to see things built up, instead of getting destroyed. This is where the story, how I met your mother, starts..._

'Guys, I can tell you. Horrible. He came up with champaign and...bread. And candles. I didn't know, what that was suppose to be, but-', Natasha said, when we sat at the table in our favorite bar.

'But I've made it. Your answer was Yes, so nothing to be ashamed of!', Clint mentioned, took her hand and showed us the ring, she was wearing around her ring finger.

'The greatest thing was the burnt tomato soup. He said the ashes would be condiments.'

Thor burst into laughter and nipped from his beer.

'Whazzuuuuup!?', we heard from the door and turned around.

Stark was walking in and greeted some people, he has known, and welcomed...well, himself. Anyhow he has had problems in his relationship, which made his girlfriend end it before I could get to know her. I felt sorry for him, therefore I was mad at her, without even knowing. In my mind that was, what a good friend would do. What I would have expected from my friends at least. But apparently Tony considered this differently. He was stumbling from one party to another...From one girl into another. Oh, wait, don't tell your mother, I've told it that way...Well...

'Whazzup? Clint is just going to marry his dreamgirl', I meant.

'Huge mistake. I can tell', Stark responded and took a seat, 'Look at all these adorable women around you. Don't you want a piece of the pie?'

'I'm not sure, if I want to know, what you associate with 'pie'.'

'Ever heard of 'American Pie'? The movie? No? Well-', Tony started explaining to me, when Natasha interrupted him:

'Don't scare him, before he has even seen it.'

'What? The pie or a pu-', Hoat muntjac! It's and animal! Pu Hoat muntjac! That's what he said!

'I have already seen pies', I answered, rolling my eyes.

'Thanks, Captain Obvious', feeling vindicated Tony had a sip from his ordered Scotch, 'How is it going with your studies?'

Maybe I have to mention, Thor had started medical study, whereas Clint was studying law.

'It's okay. Poring over books isn't that hard', Clint meant and shrugged his shoulders.

'Sounds boring. Let me tell you a story: I've met a girl. Great body, nice bazookas...I thought, she would be nice for you to date', Tony looked at me, 'But then I noticed, she was relatively smart, so I took her myself.'

He held up his hand, Thor and Clint gave him a high five after another. A little disappointed he took his hand down, noticing, I wouldn't do the same.

'So, where is she now?', I asked confused.

'Huh? I said, I've taken her. Not I'd like to date her, because she's so pretty and smaaaart', Tony laughed and acted like an amorous girl, having a crush on somebody.

Making some obscene movements, Stark showcased what great night he has had. After a while Natasha suggested:

'Steve, now that everybody knows, you're desperately looking for a woman, you could marry-'

'Noooo. Way', Tony interrupted, 'C'mon, buddy. Don't leave me with the doc-god at parties to poach the nice ones!'

'- I entered you to a speed-date-evening.'

_Yes, I haven't been that womanizer-type, you would have been expected, but...What? Why are you looking at me like that?_


	2. Speed-dating

_As you know, Natasha once wanted me to go to these meetings of speed-dating. I wasn't sure about the success-rate, but I didn't want to disappoint her, so I decided to make use of it. Sitting in our flat, Natasha helped me to tie my tie, when Stark stormed in..._

'Listen, Rogers. Just made a list for you: The nine by women most used, but also most dangerous, words', he fell down on the couch and put his feet on the table.

Annoyed Natasha turned her head, whereupon the took them down again and took out his Stark Phone.

'Number one: 'Good'. That's the word, women use to end a discussion, thinking they're right and you have to shut the fuck up. If there's any moment a woman says 'good' to you, better shut your mouth.'

'Did you have to do that once, while licking a poozle?', Clint asked passing us to get into the kitchen.

'No?', Stark replied unbelieving.

'So you've never done it right', Tasha laughed and took a look at her work on my tie.

Wondering about this lack of comprehension, Tony shook his head and went on:

'Number two: 'Five minutes'. When a woman is about to dress up, which means changing clothes for about a million times, get the hair ready, apply make-up, then calculate on at least half an hour to wait for her. Five minutes are only really five minutes, as you're sitting in front of the TV, although you have to help on the housework.'

'That isn't entirely true', I mentioned, 'Clint is allowed to watch TV sometimes even for a whole day, while Natasha is tidying up.'

'It's give-and-take', Natasha explained and looked at Stark once more, 'Our work at home is balanced.'

'Yes, because is afraid of you kicking his ass. Number three: 'Nothing'. This is the lull before the storm. You need to watch out. Discussions beginning with 'nothing' usually end with 'good'.'

This statement made me smirk after all.

'Number four: 'Just do it'. It isn't a permission, but a challenge. Don't you dare to do it!'

Slowly Natasha walked behind the couch and stopped behind Stark, who cowered.

'What are you doing? Don't hit me. I have to tell him, before he leaves!'

'Just do it', she answered.

'Number f – OUCH!'

Suddenly Clint burst into laughter. Natasha hit Stark's back part of the head with her fist.

'Do you even listen to yourself?'

Not letting anyone confuse him, Tony stood up and absented himself from the couch.

'Number five: The deep sighs. Even if it's a non-verbal comment, it's virtually about to be a word, which is often misunderstood by men. The deep sigh means, she thinks you're an idiot and she wonders, why she wastes her time on a discussion about 'nothing'.'

This information threw me. How should I be able to keep all these points?

'Number six: 'OK'. Careful! It means, she has radically to think about, how she will make you pay, for whatever you've done. Number seven: 'Thank you'. This will be a hard one for you. Why? Well: Don't comment, when she says 'thank you'. She just wants to thank you. But if she says 'thanks a million' it's sarcasm...Whatever you do, if it's not running, never ever answer it with 'you're welcome', because it could lead you to 'Do, what you want', which is our next point. Number eight: 'Do, what you want'. It's just a female, apparently smart formulation of 'Kiss my ass'.'

'Stark, you're a jackass', I let him know and checked up myself in the mirror once more, then headed to the door.

'WAIT! Number nine: 'Leave me do it myself'! After she has asked you for help and you didn't move, she'll point out to you, she already did it herself. Don't ever answer 'Anything amiss?'! It would lead you to a discussion, initiated by 'nothing'!'

'See you', I ignored his words and left the flat.

'With his sense of humor, of sarcasm and with his charm...he's doomed without me', I heard Stark say, before I closed the door.

_It wasn't often, but sometimes even he has been wrong. Contrary to my own expectations the evening was pretty amusing. First it was weird talking to all these strange women within just some minutes...But after all, there was one, I've told my friends about:_

'It was just like...magic. Do you believe in love at first sight? Because that was this kind of thing. Just like in any romantic movie...You've almost given up and suddenly the last one, you meet, is that one.'

'Aaww...', Natasha brought out, while I was telling.

'A friend of hers wanted her to go there. Advantage, because it's exactly how I got there. She's kind, she's smart. She said, she works for a successful industry in New York and...once she had a friend, whose behavior bordered on ridiculousness, so Tony, you can't even scare her away.'

'Wow. What's her name?', he asked in return, nipping from his glass then.

'Virginia', I responded, suddenly noticing Natasha's and Clint's eyes getting bigger.

'Virginia and the virgin. Sounds great, Cap.'

Obviously they were even more shocked, after Stark has said that, but I should get to know about it later. Natasha stood up and meant:

'May I talk to you for a second, honey?'

Barton nodded and followed her to the next room. From further narrations, their conversation had to be about his:

'Do you think-'

'I don't want to think about it, Tasha.'

'-this is...Well, Clint, it has been our idea, so if they meet-'

'OUR? Our idea? You've found the article and said 'Oh let's make Steve go there', while I was gaming and returned 'mhmh', so how was it our idea?'

'Do you want this relationship to continue, fiancé?'

_I could have come to a conclusion, because additionally the woman, I've met, seemed to be shocked, when she saw me and heard my name, but I thought about the fight in New York and the news. So my first thought was, she knew me from the news. _

_How ever we enjoyed meeting again the next few days, until I decided to introduce her to my friends._

'This is going to turn out to a catastrophe, when-'

'SH!', I heard Clint and Natasha discuss, when we entered the bar.

'Hey', I said and smiled at them, 'So...This is her.'

Proudly I noticed them scrutinizing her. The red hair, her cute freckles, the amazing style of clothing. She and Natasha seemed to avoid looking each other in the eye. Not thinking about any bad, I ordered us some drinks. It didn't take long, until Thor and Tony came in. Thor immediately sat down. He held is hand straight towards Virginia, introduced himself and asked for hers. While she was shaking his hand, she didn't answer. She stared at Stark. Whereas Tony stared at her.

'Good evening, Virginia', he meant then and walked over to the bar.

Suddenly she stood up.

'I am so sorry, but it just came to my mind, that I've still got to do something.'

I was barely confused, when Tony put down a glass of vodka martini in front of her and added:  
'Really? Leave it be, you've just arrived. And I'm starving of information how you two get along with each other!'

Ironically grinning he sat down. Carefully she did the same and looked into the table.

'Pretty good. Yesterday we had a nice walk and a great conversation in Central Park. She has just left her work for lunch hour to meet me there', I answered on this.

'Indeed? Well, I'd never get away from my work to see anybody who's important to me, right?', he replied, still ironically grinning at her.

'I don't know, Mister Stark. Don't you? That's pretty bad actually, because you'll never get such a close connection to anyone, like we already have', she responded unimpressed.

'Yea, right. I have to take a short moment of fresh air.'

With these words he stood up once more and went out.

'Call me Pepper', Virginia answered Thor and turned to me, 'I got to get something out of my car, I'll be right back.'

After we have watched her leaving, Barton whispered:

'You really don't know, who that is, do you?'

'Erm...', their behavior made me even more confused, 'She's the girl I'v-'

'Pepper Potts? No bells ringing?', Thor asked shocked.

I shook my head.

'Steve', Natasha mentioned, 'It's Tony ex-girlfriend.'

'No. Seriously?'

_You know, kids...There are things, you learn to laugh about after a while. But the moment, I ran out and heard them talking, didn't make me laugh at all:_

'Didn't he tell you my name before!?'

'He told us it was 'Virginia'. How many Virginias are there in New York?'

'But you still remember my last name, don't you?'

'Look, of course I remembered your whole name. But I was trying** not** to think about you. So when he says 'Virginia', why should I have been thinking about you then? I've always called you Pepper and-'

'Listen, Tony. I'm not going to argue, but I've got good and bad news for you. The good one is, I'm still willing to stay your friend...The bad news is, I'm really into this guy. He's kind. He's grounded. He's honest and he doesn't struggling against his problems, forgetting anything else beyond.'

As both of them turned their heads and spotted me, standing there totally shocked, she moved over and meant:

'I really better go now. You can stay, you can come along...But I can't stay today. I'm sorry.'

Disappointed I changed glances between Stark and her.

'Don't blame yourself for anything, I'm going to get a nice lady from inside. And then I'll be in her anyway, if you know, what I mean. Go partying with the others, I'm fine', Stark added and passed us, 'I don't want to deepen anything referring to you two.'

Silently we looked at each other for a while, until I was brave enough to say:

'I thought, I really could impress him with you. Because you're so...gorgeous and stuff...'

Surprisingly she smiled and requested me to go in again. With her.

'I think, you have. I mean, he thinks he does best on women and suddenly you come along with his former girlfriend...', she whispered, before we walked to the others.

'Awkward situatioooon...', Clint sang and nipped from his glass.

It took five minutes, then we saw Stark leaving the bar, holding a pretty woman in his arms, winking at us.

'My god, this is so embarrassing...I am so sorry, guys...', Pepper meant, as he left.

'He has just said, he is okay. Don't worry about that', was Natasha's reassuring answer.

_Nevertheless the next day I decided to call Tony. I mean, as I've said before, actually I had been mad at his ex-girlfriend, but now, that I knew it was Pepper, I couldn't be. How come? Well, you know her. She's just that kind of dream girl, every man should dream about._

'Why are you bothering me with that? I've told you, I'm fine. It's over. Pepper and I talked it through. It's just over, so forget it. I can handle this.'

'Yes...That's what she said, too...'

'So? Why are you bothering me? Better think about, which suit to take out tonight. We're going to party.'

'Err...I don't think so, Stark. Pepper asked me to-'

'Ah, yea. That...starting a relationship stuff. Forgot about that. Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to call Thor. I'm sure, before we use the night for us, we'll meet you at the bar. Yes, we will. See ya', Tony commanded and hanged up.

_Not to disappoint him, I met Stark and the others in the bar for a short time, ready to move on to Pepper, who suggested a visit to the movies._

'Whazzzzzuuuuuuuuup!?', Tony shouted, already strongly intoxicated, entering the bar with the laughing Thor.

Shaking their heads Natasha and Clint welcomed them.

'Today, my dear god-friend, I'm going to outdrink you!'

'Yes, indeed', Thor responded still laughing.

'Still doesn't believe me. Carl, get me one cup of your best Scotch!'

'Hadn't you got already enough, Stark? I mean, you want to go to a party...', I mentioned, when I saw him belching, after he has finished his order.

Disinterested he shrugged his shoulders and let Carl put down the glass in front of him. Later when we dismissed them, Clint and Natasha went back to the flat and I headed to Pepper's house.

'WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!', I heard Stark calling out of the limousine, that passed me.

Smiling to myself, about the fact Tony was okay I met his former girlfriend, I rang the bell. Gently she opened the door and asked:

'What are you thinking about?'

'Huh?'

'You're grinning like Cheshire cat.'

'I don't understand...', I replied, getting insecure.

'Never mind', she meant sympathetically.

Slowly I went in and sighted the tasteful furnishing.

'A glass of wine?', she asked smiling.

'Huh? Erm...If you're willing to offer it to me...sure.'

It wouldn't have any effect, but by courtesy, I decided to take one. We headed her living-room. Quickly she shut down her laptop and pulled some blank paper over written ones.

'It's a little messy up here...'

'Doesn't matter. May I...take a seat?'

'Be my guest, Steve', she responded, still smiling at me.

Carefully she filled your glasses with red wine, then sat down next to me.

'About one hour to go. How can we fill that time?', she asked and looked at me, nervously playing with the glass in her hand.

_Well, and that has been the evening, your brother was begotten, who I later took from her, because she didn't want him anymore._

_'WHAT!?'_

_No, just kidding..._

_All and all we spent a nice evening with each other, saw a great movie, which I can't even know anymore...I think, I have been too concentrated on her, we took a walk, she hold my hand gently...It seemed to be perfect. Until Stark came to my mind again. Actually it wasn't just like 'BOOM', hi, Steve. It was more that...He left a message on my mobile phone, which said 'This is awesome. Why don't you get your ass here? Suit up!'._

_I sighed, after I've read it._

'What's wrong?', she asked worried.

'It's just...Don't you think it's weird, I'm going out with my...actually best friend's ex-girlfriend? I'm still afraid, he isn't honest about the whole thing...'

'He's absolutely genuine. If it's for a positive thing or a negative thing, he's always honest. At least if it's not about a funny trick-'

'Or himself', I complemented, which was why she stopped walking and looked at me with this 'Can't we stop talking about him?'-expression on her face.

_She let the perfect evening end with giving me a kiss on my lips, before we continued our return to her house again. After we just came back, she left me in the living-room and disappeared in the bathroom for a moment. As I took a look at the table, I scrutinized the papers once more. When I took one up, I detected a note out of the news, regarding Tony. There have been other documents about him, too. I didn't dare to take another look at them. Even if I wanted, Stark suddenly called._

'Rogers, I need a drive-home. I've lost Thor anywhere and I don't know, where I am.'

'Seriously, Tony?', I responded annoyed.

'Please, I don't know, where I am. There was a blond girl and we left the party for a moment...When I came back, the guests where gone, including Thor and then I noticed...I don't know. I don't know where I am, fetch me.'

'How should I, if you can't explain to me, where-'

'Fetch meeeeeee', he shouted and hanged up.

_A short look at the bathroom-door. A short consideration. And the decision to leave her a note and getting out of the house to search Stark anywhere in New York._


End file.
